I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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