How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
