my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
