As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I wish there were birth control emojis
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
