hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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