So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
