k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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