I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
you inspire me to be a worse person
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
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