Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
