note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
