I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize