alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
