Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I just googled if crying burns calories
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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