i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
