he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
