I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
