Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
