I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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