I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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