Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
