I smell stomach acid.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
