I could make wine with my vomit
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
