I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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