I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
