I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
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I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
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Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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