I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
barbara walters just said penis...
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.