I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
