Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
