we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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