Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They took my balls.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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