just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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