thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Vodka?
Forever.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
