he wants to bone in the snuggie
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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