Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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