I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
