That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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