my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
