My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Just puked most of my soul out..
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