Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
