Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
