I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
