i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
