So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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