remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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