I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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