I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
