im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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