When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
