It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
My underwear smells like fireworks.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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