That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
