we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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