1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
