I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
