So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
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Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
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I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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