The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
