I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
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My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
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