at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
