Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize