i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
