I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
