Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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