I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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