Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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