Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
