I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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