when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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